Life is Bleak at Best
by grimnessreaper
Summary: After finding out that Tala cheated on him, Kai has to figure out his feelings for the red head. With no one to turn to or help, Kai must answer his own questions and hope he makes the right choices.
1. Prologue

I do not own Beyblade or its characters, though like most of you, I wish I did.

Kai is having trouble coming to terms and sorting out his feelings for Tala. Not knowing what to do, or who to turn to, he is left to figure things out on his own.

* * *

Why bother living? You just get stuck in a rut and it takes all your strength, all your emptions, and everything you have left to give to get out of it. It starts when you turn 5, you go to school, and for the next 13 years of your life, it's always the same thing. Sure, the activities changes, as the years go by, but when you look back, it's still the same routine. Then you grow up, move out. Maybe go to college and repeat the sequence for a couple more years. And when that's done, its work. You wake up, go to work, come home and sleep. Life never changes. For 18 years of your life, adults always tell you that you choose your future. But you don't, not really.

That's why I sit here in bed, only 19 and tired of life. Not that I'd have the guts or courage to end it, and why, death isn't any more welcoming than the future. I crave change from the life I currently lead, yet I can't find the ambition to change it. The more I think about life, the more I wish I was someone I'm not, and the more depressed I get.

Some people might say I need help, and I probably do. But all I think is "will it actually help me any/"I know that pretending to be normal only makes you more insane, but sometimes it's the only way I can feel like I fit in, even a little bit. I try to be strong, but even then, there are those moments where the tears can't be held back. Unfortunately, they've been more often than not lately.

A dream, even a small one, helps. It's something to look forward to. Even if it does take a while to reach it. But I know that if I can only keep focused on it, and not let anything get in the way that maybe, someday, I will finally get everything I could possibly want.

And so begins my story.

* * *

So, this story is basically almost like a diary for Kai. For the first few chapters at least.


	2. Nothing as it Seems

Life can change, in the blink of an eye they said. I never knew how true that was until grade 12 was almost over. Suddenly, all the blissful ignorance of youth vanishes and leaves behind it, stress, money issues, and so little time. Welcome to the world of adults.

Naturally, parents want something different then the child does, but in the end it doesn't matter. You take the first school that accepts you, unless you're one of those preppy bitches that get to choose from 5 or 6 different schools. Must be nice having everything you want handed to you on a silver platter.

So, you start college, after saying your goodbyes and I'll miss you's through gritted teeth, like I'd ever miss must of you. You make new friends, but even they drift away when you graduate. If you're lucky, you won't be in school until your 25, if so, tough luck bitches. Which leaves you here, fresh out of post-secondary with little to no idea of where to start, and little actually knowledge about the career you choose. So the first thing you do is look for work. Right now, even MacDonald's is looking good. Anything to pay off that 25 grand student loan.

Here I am, working part time at this shitty little hot food section in the local grocery store. Part time? Sorry, part time with full time hours. And of course, the company is all about the money, money, money, and don't even care if it's safe for you to be working, mentally or physically.

Enough about shitty jobs though, this particularly story is about the "boyfriend", though sometimes I wonder if he deserves that title. An assistant manager, at yet another crappy fast food place, we hardly ever get to see each. This, as many of you know, makes things difficult. More so when you never get the same days off.

Things between Tala and I were going great. Together for almost 7 moths, when he sent me that heartbreaking text. Little bastard didn't even have the guts to say it to my face.

"Hey baby, can I come over tonight?" I had asked him. His reply?

"I don't 5thin that's a good idea. I got really fucking drunk last night. I have to be honest with you…I fucked up… again…and this time it was worse than last time. I don't know why I did it. But I did. Look, I don't expect to hear back from you again. You don't deserve this… you deserve so much better. But at this point in my life I can't give it to you. I have a lot of my own issues. And I can't be in a relationship until I can figure it out."

"I feel the need to be in a relationship… but I ultimately can't survive I one. I have to take a break from seeing people. I haven't had much alone time with myself to figure it out, but I know that it's no excuse for what I did. If it has any worth I really am sorry. Bu the truth is I fucked up and did a super asshole thing to do I can admit that what I did makes me a bad person and no3 I need to work on what I can do to fix it."

My reply? "Who was it with? Some random person or was it your ex?"

And naturally, he claims it doesn't matter. But it does matter. It matters to me. And that's all that really counts. The worst part being that part of me wants to accept his apology, forgive him and take him back, while another part of me wants to rip his balls off and make him feel all the pain he just put me through.

A few weeks later tired of being alone, mostly, I decided to go out to the bar. And out of habit, the one Tala and I frequented. Now, this is a good finally getting over a chapter in my life and moving on. But the chapter isn't really finished.

I'm just enjoying myself, chatting up the perky little bartender. But, who wouldn't chat up Raul?

I'm thinking to myself, I should probably, head home soon. When this gorgeous guy walks up to and sits down. Feeling a bit horny and a little drunk, I start talking with him. Bad mistake. He convinces me to play a game of pool with him and his friends, and then he convinces me to go back to his place with him. For some stupid reason, probably the alcohol and the need to stop giving a shit, I accept and go back with him.

Now, Brooklyn is a nice guy and all, but honestly? When anyone says they don't want to have sex, and you keep on trying to take the rest of their clothes, that's just wrong. On so many levels. And then getting all worked up about it because you have a boner and can't do anything about it? Well, sorry buddy, I'm not an easy fuck.

Regardless, showing up at my apartment unannounced just because you wanted to see me, when I gave no sign of taking things any further with you? That makes you come off as a little too desperate.

Then, a week later Tala walks back into my life. I know I should have stayed strong and said no. but goddamn it, I still loved him. Plus, having Tyson breathing down my neck, constantly saying 'give him a chance; he's been miserable without you." It doesn't exactly help. Although, Spencer being the mother hen that he is, give us a good long discussion, about sex and not being a whore because you think you're in love. Long story short, make him wait before you fuck him, and if he sticks around you know he's in it for you and not the sex.

The worst part is, I can't even tell my new friends at work, because they will flip shit over it. Although they already think I've lost 90% of my marbles.

We've been back together for almost a month now. And work among other things has caused much difficulty in us getting back to where we were. But now that I think about it, maybe this is where we were before we broke up. Constantly trying to find time to actually spend together, knowing that it's only getting less and less.


	3. Regret is Easier Then Forgive and Forget

OK. So, this is a Kai/Tala fic. I'm probably going to update this one fairly quick. I don't know what will happen between them yet. So, if anyone has any advice as to what Kai should do, it is greatly appreciated.

* * *

They say live life to the fullest. They say everyone makes mistakes and that you need to learn from them or keep making the same ones over and over. They also say have no regrets, because everything you do, everything you say, makes you the person you are today. But I don't want to be that person anymore.

"Hey babe, we just got slammed here and it's really busy. I'm not gonna get out till real late. When I get home I'm just gonna go to bed cause I'm really tired."

"Ok."

"Love you baby."

"Love you too." I hang up the phone and hold the tears back. So, Tala's too tired to spend time with me? Bullshit. More like, 'I'm not interested in seeing you tonight or tomorrow.'

I sigh and turn around and start walking back home. So much for my plans. I wish that just once, he would realize how much I'm trying to make things work between us. After all, I'm not the one who should be trying so damn hard.

Why did di even get back with him? I knew this would happen yet I let myself get blinded, by what I don't know. But I did. Maybe it was the fact that he said that he wasn't going to force me to take him back, that he'd respect my decision, no matter what it was.

'He always does that. He also does these little things that hurt me. And he doesn't even realize it.' I sigh again. 'Why do bad things always have to happen to me? Why can't I get a stroke of good luck once in a while?'

Another night alone. I'm used to it, so I don't mind too much, but I like being able to roll over and rest my head against that warm, inviting chest. Be held protectively by strong arms all night. Denied of it for yet another night.

After a sleepless night and bad dreams, I wake up. I should be lying in Tala's bed right now. Checking my phone, I notice that he wasn't called, or even texted me. So, I was right then. He didn't want me over and gave me a half plausible excuse. It hurts inside, just a bit.

I could lie in bed all day, at least until I have to get ready for work. I could text him and hope he says come over. Part of me wants to, part of me doesn't. I should at least get out of bed and eat something. Wouldn't do me any good to starve.

"What is wrong with me? "I ask no one. Hoping that one of these four walls had an answer for me. I knew what's wrong with me. It's the exact same thing wrong with everyone else. I have hope. Hope that I'm not being lied too. Hope that things will be different. Hope that things will work. But I know, deep down, that hope will run out. And I'll be stuck in a rut.

* * *

I know these chapters are pretty short, but they will get longer, hopefully.


End file.
